As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drake has all the answers
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
