Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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