I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got inside last night via doggy door
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
