I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
