Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he thought i was a dude.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
