whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
