Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
