Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
