I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
