I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
