Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
