You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
