Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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