He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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