So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
