Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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