I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
