Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
