Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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