I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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