Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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