Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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