he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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