its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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