i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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