dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
