dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
