it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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