Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
