yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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