i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I want is dick and wine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
