He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
