i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
