Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
