allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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