I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
