it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
