I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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