"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
