Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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