The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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