Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
