Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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