You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
