Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
