Already got asked if we're dating
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
