so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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