respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
