You work out of a Hotel?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
