with your own penis?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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