Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
