he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
